From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
