You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
