Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
