At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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