Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
