Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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