I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
