apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize