everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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