you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
