I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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