there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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