1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize