so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
