I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
They are going to name an STD after you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
