do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize