I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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