Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
