Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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