I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Need sex. Gaining weight.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
