your parents love me but you hate me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
