my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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