If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
