i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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