Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
