So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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