I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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