Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
