Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
