new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize