your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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