Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
