Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize