so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
