We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
