Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
