Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
