Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize