clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
