I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
