last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
