i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Drunk is not a location!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
