I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I can text with my tongue
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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