Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
