i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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