i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
