I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize