I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This is the high leading the old right now
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
