sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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