why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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