i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
where does the pee come out of this thing
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
