i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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