Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you had me at cake vodka
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
