I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Randomize
