I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
