He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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