I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
