I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
