it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize