carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
