Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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