I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
