only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
