Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
