We won't sleep together?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
