I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
