stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
