we made out on top of his cat.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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