You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
