she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
