I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
