We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
